It just sort of happened. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party. In some ways this is perfectly natural. This sort of stuff happens more than you might think. But you do need to make sure you go about this right. Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex. A buddy of mine recently mentioned that he might invite my ex to a party that we were going to and asked what I thought about that. Breakups require space. We all know the difference between a fling and something more.
Is it OK for a friend to date your ex?
I dated “Jeff” for four years. I still think of him often as the one who got away. Anchorage is small, and sometimes I run into him, and it’s just the worst. I’m definitely not ready to have him in my life, or anywhere near over the pain of our breakup.
My best friend is now dating my ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, it’s weird. So in your opinion, what are the rules about dating exes? Does Gretchen Weiners have a point about the rules of feminism? I don’t think those are the rules of feminism so much as the rules of human decency. I am so sorry your best friend is dating your ex. That’s some Dawson-Joey-Pacey kind of betrayal, and I can only imagine the level of hurt you’ve been feeling.
I dealt with a similar sort of situation with an ex and a best friend. Basically, I encouraged my gay BFF to hang with an ex of mine because why not? Life is easier when everybody is friends, right? The second I set it up though, I regretted it, because I started thinking about what would happen if they hit it off and crushed on each other. Even though I no longer had feelings for my ex, that didn’t mean I would want him shacking up with my best friend!
Luckily, they didn’t hook up, but I felt like my ex would have if given the opportunity.
Breathless: Dating Is Impossible when You’re Still in Love with Your Ex
I need you to be honest with me on this. My best friend, or ex-best friend now, is getting super close to my ex-boyfriend. It just bothered me more when she decided to end our friendship to stay friends with my ex. The honest truth is that your ex-boyfriend and your ex-best friend have one thing clearly in common. He has definitely moved on but unfortunately with your best friend. You have to question if she was ever your best friend.
Last week, my friend “Anne” asked if I wanted to meet for drinks. We’re good friends though not best friends. We often hang out in groups, but it.
I split up with my ex a year ago and quickly started dating. I met someone nice, but within weeks I discovered that my ex and my best friend had started a relationship. When I found out, I felt a rage I had never experienced. There are rare instances when people establish a real friendship afterwards, but that requires a suitable cooling-off time first.
The real betrayal is that of your best friend. Honesty and trust are the foundations of friendship and she has effectively trashed both.
Should You Date Your Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend?
I’ve been seeing one of my friend’s exes. She was a very close friend years ago, but our relationship has dwindled. They were broken up for two years before we got together, but my friend was totally in love with him when they were dating, he broke her heart, and it took her a very long time to get over him, even when she has had other boyfriends, she was still hung up on him. I thought it was just going to be a fling, so I didn’t think it would be worth it to create a situation and the inevitable drama it would cause.
So we kept it on the DL.
Why would you date a friend’s ex if there are so many beautiful single ladies it just feels nice to say, “I’m dating my best friend’s ex-girlfriend.
Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. Communication is vital if maintaining the friendship is important to you. Indifference is the opposite of love. A good way to gauge this is by suggesting an outing where your friend and their ex will both be present. You also need to ask yourself if the ex has had enough time to heal from the breakup or you could risk being the rebound. Do they check off most of your boxes? Do you have strong indication that they reciprocate your feelings?
A lot depends on the length of time your friend was with this person. A couple of years and a couple of months are two very different time frames and carry different sensitivities. It comes down to how you view your friendship — only you can answer which is more important.
Dating a Friend’s Ex-Girlfriend: When It’s OK and When It’s Not
What’s worse, I had to find out from the kids. Our kids went to school together and two of our daughters played in the same netball team. I really leaned on Amber in many ways. She was always kind, always willing to help me and, because we both went through a divorce around the same time , we had a lot to say to each other — particularly when it came to talking about our ex-husbands.
Few topics were off limits, from our sex lives to everything that revolved around the complexities of a family breakup. Want more relationship content?
When he first told me he was dating somebody else, I felt sick to my stomach even though I was doing the same. Robbie Harb. Sometimes we’d.
During this time, he introduced me to all of his roommates there were 6 of them in a 5 bedroom house and friends. It would be an understatement to say that we all clicked and became quite close during that time. In fact, I helped a couple of them through major breakups before he and I split or I had ever heard of ExRecovery. And come to find out, I was already good friends with a lot of them before he and I had ever met. It became apparent that he had other opinions on this matter.
No one really knows how any of this stuff works. Heck, even those of us that have put extensive research into human behavior and relationship psychology have to understand that not all rules apply to all people. You say that to anyone experiences an emotional situation and they automatically assume they are the exception to the rule.
Not saying that you need to abandon all hope. Just pair it with a healthy supplement of reality. After our split, one of his friends posted to Facebook, asking if anyone had a pool that he and his daughter could use. So, I commented on his post that I did.
Can you ever be best friends with an ex?
There are a few different things that happened during the time I was newly separated that caused me to classify myself as temporarily psychotic, one of those being when I figured out “my ex is dating my friend! I seriously felt like I was going to go insane. Here was a woman who I thought was my good girlfriend. We had gotten together a few times and I had told her things — personal things about my ex and our relationship, why I was getting divorced, etc.
My best friend, or ex-best friend now, is getting super close to my ex-boyfriend. They’re so close that her wallpaper is my ex-boyfriend and when.
She and I were soul sisters, spoke on the phone for hours, had sleepovers all the time. She was my rock. She started to date this guy and four months after they broke up we started to see each other. Also, I knew so much about their relationship. Mariella replies Move on, or backpedal a bit? I know the world we live in now is based on the principle of forward momentum — eyes to the fore, sights set on future goals and opportunities.
We are alert to anything that tries to buffet us backwards. Too much focus on distant and elusive peaks, and it can get pretty messy on your path. You can find yourself with little to cling to when the occasional downward slide occurs. All too often our mistakes do lie behind us.
Is It Ever OK To Date Your Ex’s Friend?
Ah, the question we all want answered: Is someone your friend dated definitely off-limits? Staying true to the rules of “Girl Code,” the first answer that comes to mind is probably a hard yes. Cue Gretchen Weiners’ infamous line, “That’s just like, the rules of feminism. And I mean everything — from throwing yourself into a new hobby, trash-talking the ex with your friend, and even hitting up your old hookup buddy from college who’s always there to “distract” you.
dating advice. Illustration: Brett Ryder. Dear Lisa, My friend ran into my ex-husband at Costco, and now she wants to know whether I’d be okay with her asking.
There are many stages of heartbreak. Three months deep into my break-up , I have experienced almost all of them. This is also the phase when you begin the dreaded coital dance known as dating. When I woke up from that nap, I downloaded Tinder. But eventually, I matched with a handsome enough something who was OK with skipping the small talk. But an hour later, walking into the specified bar in the West Village, I immediately understood why people take the time to screen each other via text.
Tinder guy turned out to be two of my worst fears combined: a short actor. As is common with short actors, this guy was very fond of himself, and within minutes he was playing aloud a recording of himself singing a song from his upcoming off-Broadway show. As I politely smiled and nodded along to the ballad—a duet!
Next, naturally, he asked me if I was into threesomes. It was when he attempted to grind with me to a Lana Del Rey techno remix that I finally made my escape. Their brains literally go haywire, and they begin spewing out insults in a desperate attempt to rebuild their fragile egos.
Is It Okay For Your Ex Boyfriend to Date Your Friend? Let’s Find Out!
Last Updated: September 1, References. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
My very wise friend Ally once said: “The New York dating scene is a war zone. If you don’t watch out, your legs will get blown off and you’ll end.
And how do you navigate that new relationship without causing issues? You dated someone for years, then mutually agreed to break up. You had a FWB situationship that kind of just faded out. Now, you want to start dating their friend. Still, you want to do so as kindly as possible — aka without breaking any hearts or jeopardizing any friendships. Is it necessary to have the talk? Also yes. Jess, 28, failed to tell her ex that she was going to start dating her friend, and it ultimately backfired.
If they are, consider splitting the load. She recommends speaking separately with your ex in order to make them feel most comfortable sharing their feelings. He felt that before anything happened between us, he should talk to my ex about it. So he brought it up, and my ex gave him his blessing.